How to Identify Leverage with Children | Parenting

A child had been throwing tantrums, tearing things, breaking things. The parents brought him in. Antano told the father to hold him firmly. The father could not do it. Antano insisted. The father held him. Within forty-five minutes the child calmed. Not because he was forced. Because for the first time he felt the presence of a father who could hold him.

Leverage with children is not about the right technique or consequence. It is about finding the precise thing that the child's system is actually asking for. The tantrum is always communication. When the parent can read what is being communicated and respond at that level, the behavior changes without confrontation.