Today, I consulted a mother who was convinced by so called experts that something was wrong with her boy and worse they made her believe that his current personality was due to her working as a single parent to support the child.
During our consultation, she discovered that nothing could be further from the truth. Here's what was going on, this strong young lady felt guilty that she hasn't been spending enough time with her child and because she felt guilty she hasn't been affirmative in the situations she had to be, which led to slippages in her relationship with him so much that he stopped listening to her and doing what she asked him to do. All this reflected in day to day things he did. While it is convenient for advisers to say something is wrong with a child, the actual issue here was, firm parenting.
Therefore, during the brief consultation the mother discovered it is useful to let go of the guilt and reset the relationship of the past, not only for her good but also for the good of her child. So that she is once again able to parent him in a way that nourishes his character.
When we finished the conversation, she said, “You are so right, when he used to be in his best days, my relationship with him was so pleasant. Even when we would walk together for 10 minutes it used to feel so good for the both of us. And now our relationship is not the same”
I felt super happy to see the mother now motivated to grow a firm and yet a loving relationship with the child, truly she had a motherly beauty and her face lit, when she said what she said. This in my opinion, is a more useful direction than trying to diagnose what could be wrong with a child or be burning with guilt inside. What I like about this work was she discovered and came up with the answers, I only asked her the right questions! And I am curious to share with you the transformation in the child’s life 6 months from now, after this single shift in frame the mother has discovered.
