This is the famous story of the ‘Procrastinator’ which I have told during so many conversations with people. A man in his 40’s approaches me, pays me a premium and asks me to help him ‘stop procrastination’. As I chat with him, I notice that he tightens the muscles below his left eye, uses mildly harsh tone and breathes with discomfort every time he mentions his work. So, I pause him, and I ask: ''Do you enjoy your work?'' to which he responds in the negative and states how he hates what he does. This request from him sounded ridiculous to me, it sounded as if he is asking me to force him to do more of what he didn’t enjoy. Actually, I saw a picture of him slapping himself and requesting himself to do it faster!
So, I got curious, what has to be true for someone to do this to themselves? As I explored further, it turned out that he had the phobia of heights. And hence he came to a conclusion that, in his specialization, this was the only firm that would offer him a job where he didn’t have to go up on tall buildings. So I asked him: "Did it occur to you that you could have asked me to help you instantly overcome your fear of heights? Or to explore with me about what needs to happen in your life to get the job you like even if you were to accept the limitation of height phobia"?
I keep sharing this story because it contains a very important learning for me - that people are sometimes so deep into the problem, that they accept it as an unchangeable reality. And after a few years they forget the problem and solve the discomfort and side effects that the real problem creates. What I learned from this is that it's not just the effectiveness of the techniques of change that matter, but also the wisdom of what you are changing!
Given that self-help is so popular, I wonder, even if someone was given a Genie providing them with the exact personal change they asked for, can they be sure that these changes will lead to a better life?
I am glad I did not help this gentleman to stop procrastinating. Instead, I helped him to overcome the fear of heights. He got a new job and he stopped procrastination by himself. As for me, this is an example of the wisdom in real change!
